Mandated

Worked online all lockdowns, then mandated out.

I was mandated out of a senior role.  Fired.  Never been fired before.  The ignominy. All through the previous months of lockdowns, I had worked absurd hours making sure all those for whom I was responsible were doing better than OK, at home as well as at work.  With my amazing team, we’d managed the transition to working fully online really well.  Sure, there were some glitches and some funny moments too. And a lot had to be re-imagined, re-designed, re-written, re-explained.  It was a lot of extra work.  But we came through it well, and that meant that we were able to continue helping people, nearly like normal. And lots of those people were really grateful that we could, because things had already been rough for them before the pandemic so the lockdowns were really, really hard for quite a lot of them. 

But then, the mandates. Long before the mandates were on the horizon, even before we were told we would not have mandates in NZ, because of specific long-standing issues in my personal health history, I reached the decision that the vaccine was not an option for me; the risks were too high. 

But despite having proven that I could deliver everything, successfully, and having worked very long hours for months, and having a team who were fine with the implications for them of me returning to working from home for as long as the mandates remained, none of that mattered. I was dismissed in fulfilment of the mandates. My manager was explicit that my performance was exemplary, never in question. 

Approaching the age most people retire, I needed to stay in the workforce to redress a previous major financial blow. The position I held was so much more than a job. It was a calling, a life-work. It was also turning out to be the ultimate achievement of my career and I had felt incredibly privileged to have a position that I loved, and in which I was making a difference that meant something. It was a one-of-a-kind position; it wasn’t like I could just go down the road and find the same position with another organisation.

And just like that, my career, my livelihood, my professional reputation and what I had built was smashed.

I have many words, but I do not have words to express the impact that had on me.

And the kicker was that the particular mandate that affected me was lifted within days of my termination taking effect. 

I know I am not the only one it happened to. I know I am better off than many. I know there are many, far worse tragedies and grave injustices that happen to so many people. And that does not diminish the impact this has had on me as a person and as a contributor to society.

I know I made the right decision for my health.  Despite the consequences, I am at peace with that. My heart goes out to those who have been injured by the so-called vaccine. I am so very grateful to have my health.

If you meet me today in the street, you will not see that anything is amiss. And yet I am still rebuilding myself. It is as if I was smashed to a blob of cells and it was just a shadow of me that was walking around, going through the motions of daily life. And it is taking a long time to put myself back together; it is hard work. But the mandates certainly provided good practice in resolute action.

I do grieve for all that was lost. Lost opportunities in the work I was doing, and in the best team I ever worked with. I still feel responsible for what my team then lost. The work was beginning to gain international recognition and it was having a positive impact on an increasing number of people each year. The personal financial loss has been substantial and means that there won’t be any nice-to-haves or fun things in my later years but more importantly, there is something I cannot provide for a family member. That makes me angry. I do not know if I will be able to find a way to meet that need in time. 

And I grieve for the tremendous waste the mandates brought about, not just in my situation, but for all those affected. And for those who do not even know that there is help they need that they cannot get simply because capable people were mandated out of their work. And for all those in small businesses who ultimately lost their livelihood and sometimes their homes.

We must not let such a grave injustice and such senseless, destructive waste happen again.